Dec 11 2008
The difficulty in making friends after college
While in high school we are surrounded by people our age with a common interest. While the interest in getting your education may be enforced by parents and the legal system, it still gives students a shared purpose. When you attend college, this interest is reinforced by the willingness of students to attend (since they have to pay to attend after all). There is also the potential for the easy formation of groups based upon other interests, as these are encouraged by the university itself. This large group of people makes it easy to meet friends, since they are all around your basic age, education level and social status. Once college ends however, the problem compounds; you are no longer surrounded by people, and you no longer have the leisure time to do little more than meet people. This problem can be evidenced by the profusion of social networking sites available for artificial creation of these friendships. The fact that these are artificially created does not belie their usefulness, simply that the internet becomes a substitute for what used to be so easy in person. There are various social institutions which make this easier, such as clubs, churches, further education and the arts. However if you are unsure of where your interests lie and do not join any of these groups, the difficulty remains.
One particular facet that is interesting to me is the difficulty in translating an acquaintance to a friend. As you grow up, the amount of parties you can through to lubricate this transition becomes less and less. So you meet a person casually and you want to groom them as a friend. What is the next step? You may very well be married and have let your wife know if you are going somewhere to do something, as may they. Everyone is suspicious of the motives of others. You also have little knowledge of what they like to do. There are fewer and fewer meeting places which encourage communication (Bars can be noisy, movie theaters do not encourage communication, etc). So how do you make the transition, assuming you can meet someone decent in the first place?
